Mmmmm Buffet...
So, you are going to a Chinese buffet? Traveling around the steaming islands of far east delights can be a joy or a total travesty. The stigma around buffets in general can be attributed to tales of cold food, low quality ingredients, uncleanliness, dried out food from heat lamps, recycled food use, and so on. While many of these claims may be grounded in reality, I submit to you that many of them are easily avoided by following a few easy steps.
Step 1: Do Some Research
Come now, Blake, research before I eat? I am appalled at how many people step out in blind faith when it comes to eating out. We investigate so many other areas of our lives (investments, purchased items, mechanics, etc.), but we leave our eating out with friends and family up to chance Before I eat at a new place I do three things:
A. Check Restaurant Review Sites: Urbanspoon is my favorite and has handy tools like user reviews which help gather the common consensuses of others who have gone before you. A general satisfaction rate is also available along with hours, prices, and other general information.
B. Health Scores: In my county at least, by Googleing the county, restaurant name, and the word "health score" a list is prompted of the restaurants most recent health scores.
C. Ask Around: This is not always full proof because of wide variations in taste. However, I do have a few trusted souls whom I know like the same things as me and with generally gather their opinions.
These checkpoints are not always a safeguard, especially if the restaurant is new in town. Now that your research is done you can move on to step two.
Step 2: Make Your Choice
Process of elimination from step one should have whittled down your options. Make sure that your selected buffet has the options you are looking for. The three big areas to consider are Sushi, Mongolian BBQ, and General Buffet. Rare is the place that can master all three, but I have been to a few. Now that your selection has been made, load up the kids/spouse/friends/homeless and get on down there.
Step 3: Tackle The Buffet
The Chinese buffet is an art form. Success is a fine balance of getting what you want and plenty of it for the money you are spending. I am told that the human stomach is about the size of a fist so you needn't eat much more than that. If this is your mind set then just skip to step four, because you are about to be disgusted. Go on, we will see you there.
Now that the pansies are gone, we can get down to the niddy griddy.
A. Getting Your Money's Worth- Why spend $12 on a buffet in which you go and eat the food that is cheapest for the restaurant to make? I'm not trying to save them money! I'm trying to put them out of business! Soda is usually an additional $2, therefore I suggest just getting water. Your money is best spent of the more quality items.
B. Choosing Your Food- Lo Meins, rice dishes, and other carb heavy items are easily made at home and will fill you up the fastest and are usually not that great in a buffet setting. I suggest you avoid them and save room for the more delectable dishes. Because it digests the fastest, protein is the king of quantity. Seafood, especially shrimp, is usually in abundance at dinner buffets; this fact is what can help make you, as my friend Mark says, a "Buffet Killer". Filling your first plate with crab legs, various shrimp dishes, clams, and mussels will have your meal paid for on the first trip around the silver coffins. The second round is usually reserved for your other favorite meat based dishes of choice, followed by a run through the sushi line.
Step 4: Tips And Tricks
A watchful eye and patience are key to a good buffet experience. Here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. Other people are touching the tongs that you are touching. My guess would be that most of them did not wash their hands before dining. Hand sanitizer is your friend at a Chinese Buffet and I suggest you use it several times throughout your meal.
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| A Real Life Nasty Buffet |
2. If you see something gross, REPORT IT! I once saw a little girl grabbing food out of the communal bowl with her bare hands. Don't be afraid to say something to the staff, they will replace the dish. If you see someone coughing up a storm into their bare hands and then touching tongs, report it. If a fly is blowing the food, report it. Most of the time the staff will thank you.
3. Oh no, my favorite dish is almost out and only has one or two scoops left. Do not, I repeat, do not take the last two scoops. A dish on the line that is running that low is bound to be replaced within a few minutes. Keep your cool and wait it out; hot and fresh food will be your prize.
4. Don't be afraid to toss something that you don't like. Buffets can be a time of experimentation and if you happen to grab something that looks great but tastes awful, just leave it on the plate. You are by no means obligated to clean the plate, and unless your mom is there telling you about the starving children in Africa, just go up and get something you like better.
Conclusion
Chinese Buffets are not for everyone. If you like one particular dish and know of a place that does it well, I suggest going there. If you are looking for great Chinese while on a date, a Chinese Buffet is probably not for you. For a night out with friends/ bro's/ family, a Chinese Buffet can be a great place to gather, eat, and enjoy each others company. By following the above tips, your trip can be that much more enjoyable. HIYa!
While clicking around on Youtube the other day I discovered Journey to the West was made into several different Chinese television series bearing the same title. The series that remains truest to the story was produced by Zhang Jizhong. This 66 episode series ran in mainland China in 2011 and can be viewed in its entirety on good ol' Youtube. 
